Blame
by Clogette
Summary: Duffy's back from NZ - but why? And what's Charlie going to do when things start to go horribly wrong?
1. Chapter 1

_"Charlie, you can't be in here…"_

 _"I can't NOT be in here," Charlie argued._

 _"It's not an option Charlie, I don't want you in this resus," Connie said forcefully. "Out. Now."_

 _Unable to take his eyes off the woman on the bed infront of him, he backed off – holding his hands as a surrender to show he gave up. Pushing his way through the doors, he stood to the side infront of the window looking in._

 _This was all his fault._

"You're going to make me have this conversation, aren't you?" Duffy said, looking across the table at Charlie.

They'd found themselves in a greasy spoon cafe, not far from the hospital, having a strong cup of tea and a sandwich to help them both process their busy shift at work.

Charlie, shrugged, trying to play it down, "If you want to have it," he said.

Duffy thought carefully. The man infront of her was by far and away her closest and best friend in the entire world. She and him had been through so much together, supported one another through everything life had thrown at them. But why was she reluctant this time to talk to him? Why was it so hard this time?

"I don't really know where to begin," she admitted.

Charlie, sensing her unease, leaned across the table and took her hand gently.

"Why are you here, Duffy? Why Holby?"

She smiled, "Other than you, you mean?"

He smiled slightly – humour, the best way to try and distract him from the conversation she didn't want to have. "I'm flattered but, yes, other than me."

She sat back in her chair, taking her hand away from his and suddenly feeling very cold. Closing her eyes and she took a deep breath in trying to summon the courage to speak, to tell Charlie everything.

A man walked past, looking briefly at the pair of them, and back at Charlie. A look of recognition in his eye before placing his order and sitting on the other side of the cafe.

"I messed up," she began. "Well, we messed up. Me and Ryan. We drifted and drifted further and further apart. And he just didn't need me anymore, I felt like a spare part in his life, there to just cook his dinner and do the household chores. The boys are older and have their own lives, own girlfriends, own jobs. They aren't at home anymore, they don't need me. So I came back to Holby…"

"I'm glad you did…" Charlie added.

Duffy smiled, " It wasn't quite what I had in mind, seeing you lying in resus. But, it made me feel like the old me again. I was wanted, I could help some of the less experienced nurses. It was like putting on an old pair of comfy shoes."

She paused, thinking carefully on her next words.

"I cheated on Ryan," she said quickly.

"Duffy…" Charlie said, half in shock, but half out of sympathy for her situation.

"No, no. Don't say it like that. Let me finish. I cheated on Ryan. And so I cheated on my family."

"That isn't…" Charlie began.

"Charlie, please," she begged, leaning closer in to the table, looking straight into his eyes. "You never approved of me and Max, and rightfully so. This was no different, I cheated, Charlie."

Charlie wanted to tell her that Ryan deserved no different anyway, that as far as Duffy was concerned she had every right – Charlie had never trusted him and never wanted him anywhere near her. But Charlie could read Duffy's expression and knew his comments wouldn't be welcomed.

Duffy sighed, her eyes beginning to glisten. "Jake found out first. He walked in on me and… The hurt Charlie. His face. You see, it doesn't matter what was going on with me and Ryan, however I try and justify it, I can't. I thought it was harmless, and even if Ryan found out it might bring him to his senses, or teach him a lesson. How could I be so foolish? So naïve to think it wouldn't affect the boys? When Jake saw us, and when I saw the look on his face. Oh, Charlie. In that moment my whole world blew apart. I went after him, I begged him to forgive me like a wife would beg her husband. He wasn't having any of it. He told me that if this is what I thought of our family then why should he, because it was all gone now. That it wouldn't ever be the same – how could I have done it to all of them. Charlie, you see, Ryan is their dad now - whatever you think of him. He's who they look upto, and he's always been so attentive to them – he's been a really good father. They love him. More than they do me at the moment."

Duffy paused to catch her breath, feeling overwhelmed by finally speaking it all out loud. She tucked a loose hair behind her ear and Charlie could see her hands shaking. He took them.

"What happened next, Duffy."

She looked down at their hands entwined, and then up into Charlie's eyes, that were fixed on hers, full of compassion and empathy. She felt safe.

"Jake said I had to tell Ryan, and of course I agreed – how could I let him carry around that secret? I told Ryan straight away, that night, I couldn't let Jake keep it from him, him and Ryan are so close. They all are. Ryan flipped and stormed out, understandably. But in comparison to the boys, I barely cared. Then Peter came home, he said Jake had told him everything and I just couldn't bare to see it anymore. The pain on all their faces. You see, I might have cheated on Ryan, but my boys don't see it like that Charlie. They see it as I cheated on them. And I did," her voice began to shake, she looked down at the table. "I did, because me and Ryan are supposed to be their parents and I'm supposed to be their mum, and I chose some fling and a bit of fun over being their parent. They hate me, Charlie," her voice broke, tears beginning to spill down her face.

A man, across the cafe from them looked up from his phone, staring in their direction. Charlie ignored him.

"Duffy, look at me," Charlie said gently, lifting her chin so that she was forced to look at him. "They are adults. They will understand if you talk to them, they'll see. You just have to give it time."

Duffy shook her head. "Jake and Paul, they aren't interested in me now. They say I've chosen what I want to do by coming here. That I've run away from them… And they're right Charlie," she sobbed. "I've run away from it all and I'm so ashamed…"

Her body shaking from her emotion and tears now fell uninterrupted down her face she collapsed her head into her hands, breaking her connection with Charlie, where he had held on to her so strongly throughout her story.

Immediately feeling the lack of her touch, he got up from his chair, fully aware that the two of them were now being watched by other customers in the cafe, and bending down beside her chair, put his arm around her allowing their heads to touch briefly.

"Come on," he whispered quietly. "Let's get out of here."

Feeling her nod, he gave her shoulders a squeeze and gathered his jacket and her bag before heading towards the door, and home, out of the sight of the rest of the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Returning to Charlie's home, Duffy found herself calmer and with a burden lifted. She'd been right to trust Charlie, and it was good to finally admit some of her feelings and guilt – even more to herself.

Slipping onto the sofa and tucking her legs underneath her, Duffy found herself in a familiar position. She'd been here too many times to count before; at her wits end, emotionally exhausted and feeling overwhelmed by her what was going on in her personal life. But, as ever, the comfort of Charlie's home, amongst his things, she felt safe. She felt bad for Charlie, that he always seemed to be mopping up crisis after crisis in her life. She found herself here, so often, listening to him make soothing cups of tea and then coming to sit with her, before inevitably challenging her to find a solution to her issues. But it was the routine she liked, and she needed it to depend on.

Charlie appeared in the doorway behind her, "I was going to say make yourself at home," he began. "But it looks like you already have!"

He gestured to her place on the sofa where she'd pulled a throw from the back of it to cover her legs and curl up.

She gave a sad smile, turning to look at him, "Sorry Charlie."

"For what?" He asked, leaning on the doorframe.

"For laying all this on you. For being such a mess – again!" She said, looking down and playing with a thread on the throw on her lap.

Charlie rolled his eyes to himself, before resting his hands on her shoulders.

"If you are a mess," he said. "And I am not saying you are. But IF you are – then you are my mess. And I wouldn't have it any different." He placed a kiss on the top of her head, gave her shoulders a squeeze and turned back to the kitchen.

Duffy smiled to herself, feeling privileged to have such a man in her life. Her thoughts though were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. Reaching into her bag she pulled it out, sighing at the name of the caller.

"Duff," Charlie called through from the kitchen, carrying two cups of tea with him. "Is that your..."

But before he had a chance to finish Duffy had slung it across the room, the phone laying face down on the carpet having had a rather harsh encounter with the wall opposite her. The expression on her face was like stone.

"PPI calls do that to me as well," Charlie remarked, trying to gauge the best way to deal with such an outburst.

Duffy looked at him, expressionless, before letting out a small sigh at his attempt at humour.

"He phones me every day," she began to explain, taking her tea off Charlie. "But today, I just can't do it. It starts off fine, as if we might just have a normal conversation. He tells me anything the boys are up to and some small talk. And then, we just argue. He blames me for it all, and he's right to. And he gets angry that I'm here and not at home trying to sort it out with him and the boys. He's right, I know he is, that's why I get so mad."

"It's not all your fault, Duffy. He's a big part of this too."

""o he might be, but I'm the one that cheated Charlie. Not him. I did the deceiving and the lying – not even you can make me blameless in this!"

Before Charlie had a chance to speak Duffy's phone began to ring again. Charlie looked over at Duffy, who was concentrating on her tea pretending to ignore it. He got up and picked it up from it's place on the floor and checked the screen – unsurprisingly it was Ryan.

Offering it to Duffy she shook her head, "You take it. Just, get rid of him will you. Not today."

Charlie nodded."Ryan? It's Charlie."

"Charlie? Is Duffy with you?"

"Yeah she's with me."

"Can you put her on?"

"She...can't come to the phone right now."

"Can't? Or won't?"

Charlie paused, looking over at Duffy who was resting her head on her hand leaning on the arm of the sofa and had her eyes closed. Charlie walked past her, giving her arm a quick squeeze before taking the call into the kitchen.

"Can't, she's asleep," he lied.

Hearing the muffling sound of Charlie's voice disappear behind the door, Duffy let her mind wander thinking carefully about her boys. She hoped they'd be able to forgive her for cheating on Ryan, for leaving them that Charlie had been right and perhaps one day they might understand. But something in her knew that this was different to any petty argument she'd had with any of them before. This was going to take time.

Interrupting her thoughts Charlie returned to the room, sitting next to her and turning to face her, looking serious. Duffy sat up.

"What?"

Charlie took her hands. "It's Jake...he's been in an accident."


	3. Chapter 3

Duffy slammed the desk infront of her, anger building inside of her.

"I don't think I can listen to this," she muttered under her breath, standing up.

Jacob stood up opposite her, ready to stop her if she turned to leave from his office. He could hardly believe he was having this conversation with her. Of all his nurses and colleagues Duffy was dependable and professional, and yet she'd behaved completely out of character all day. Her actions towards a young man earlier in cubicles had been enough and he'd had to take action.

"You're suspended pending an investigation," Jacob said.

"What?!"

"You heard," Jacob said. "If you can't give me good reason for your behaviour today, Lisa, then what choice do I have?"

Duffy opened the door, "Fine, Jacob. Fine."

And with that Duffy slammed the door behind her and quickly made her way to the staff room to gather her things. She didn't have the stamina to stop and talk to Louise, who called after her what had happened. She just needed to get out of there.

* * *

Charlie sighed. Duffy had walked in from work in a foul mood and taken refuge in her room. Despite coaxing, cups of tea and the offer of 'just sitting down together', Duffy was having none of it, and Charlie wasn't sure he blamed her.

After she'd phoned Ryan back, she'd tried to get herself on a flight to New Zealand – only having luck in securing one for a couple of days time. Fortunately, Jake was doing well. He'd been in a car accident, Ryan had explained, the fault of another driver who was over the limit. The car had rolled and he'd been knocked unconscious. But all signs were now good and all tests were clear, he was just sore and miraculously had only broken his arm.

Duffy stubbornly had refused to sit at home and insisted that she would do her shift as normal the following day. Charlie knew this was a bad idea – but when had he ever been able to stop Duffy doing what she wanted? He thought perhaps he should go in with her, and even offered. But, as Duffy had phrased it 'she didn't want a babysitter' and he had a 12 hour shift after hers to contend with.

"Charlie," came Jacob's voice from behind him. "You don't start for another hour, do you?"

Charlie nodded. "I thought we could talk about Duffy."

Jacob gestured to their office and closed the door behind them both.

"You know I had no choice, right? After today, and her attitude, I can't have her here."

"Sorry?" Charlie asked, confused.

"She's suspended."

"What…?"

"Did you not know? I assumed that's what you wanted to talk about."

Charlie shook his head. Suspended? Duffy? He was certain this was a mix up, she was the best nurse he'd ever worked with, there was no way this should be happening to her. What had gone on?

* * *

Duffy buried her head into her pillow, desperately trying to wipe away the days thoughts and memories from her mind.

She'd been dealing with a boy, Tom, in cubicles – 17 years old and fresh from passing his driving test. Cocky and arrogant he'd been involved in a road accident, catching the side of a parked car and travelling at such a speed that he had managed to skid and slide his car along the road before it had ended up upside down in the middle of the road. It had been alcohol induced, he stunk of it.

By the time Tom had reached the ED any shock he might have felt had obviously worn off. Duffy had treated his superficial injuries and tried to put out of her mind that Jake was halfway around the world receiving similar treatment. The only difference being that Jake hadn't been the one in the wrong, he'd been on the receiving end of an out of control, drunk driver.

Calm and collected was usually a phrase that Duffy knew other staff used to describe her, not much phased her. But today had been different. She'd spent the morning with a bereaved family, who she'd had to spend the morning consoling because they lost their baby daughter. No heartbreak and death was easy, but young children were always especially difficult for everyone involved. Then, she'd taken a break and had had the uneasy feeling she was being watched, although she could see no evidence, nor any reason why that should be the case. But it had made her feel awful and really self-aware. By the time Tom was admitted, mobile phone attached to his ear swearing down the phone enthusiastically, bragging to his mates, she'd had quite enough.

"Mate, I'm tellin' ya' I hit 90 and, like, flew man. Rolled it, din't I?" A huge smile on his face.

"Have you been drinking?" Duffy asked matter-of-factly.

"What's it to you? You're not police are ya?"

Charming.

By the time she'd cleaned up his superficial wounds, he'd finished on the phone and was eager to be leaving.

"Are ya done?"

"Not really."

"Looks like it to me."

"Do you think it's clever?" Duffy began. "Drinking, driving, breaking speed limits..."

"Oh, don't lecture me grandma," the lad said. "Look. No-one was hurt, no harm done – right?"

"And what if someone had have been hurt?" She asked, loudly and more forcefully.

Tom got down from the bed, collecting his things responding chirpily "But they weren't were they? So what does it matter?"

Duffy stepped between Tom and the cubicle curtain.

"My son is in hospital because someone like you thought having a drink and racing around the roads was a good idea. Innocent people suffer because you think it's a laugh!"

She expected him to apologise, to back down to have some recognition for the intensely personal information she'd just shared.

Tom shrugged, indifferent.

"You know what, fine. I give up. It's teenagers like you that give your whole generation a bad name. Who do you think you are? You're just a boy pretending to be a man that's who. It's accidents like the one you had today that kill and injure people – and you think that's OK do you? You're a disgrace."

Her mind flashed to Jake, knowing he was somewhere now because someone like Tom, infront of her, thought it didn't matter how they behaved.

"What did you say?" Tom sqaured upto her.

"You heard." Duffy didn't quiver, standing firm.

"Bitch." Tom spat in her face, moving around her. He turned, "With a nag like you as a mother, sounds like your son could be done with bein' put outta his misery. If he's so injured, then why are ya working – shouldn't you be at his bedside? Or does he hate ya so much that he don't want you near him? I s'pose he's OK? Better luck next time then, hope someone gets him."

Before she could even stop herself a firm slap had landed on the boys cheek, followed by the shrieking of a woman running up from behind him – his mother.

* * *

"What's Duffy told you about what happened?" Charlie asked Jacob.

"Nothing. How can I do anything Charlie, when I don't know anything from her side? The boy was mouthy – Jez said he was a bit cocky and sure of himself, but that's all I've got other than his and his mothers account of how Duffy assaulted him."

"Jacob, Duffy's not having it easy at the moment. Jake, her son, he was in a car accident yesterday."

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah he's going to be fine."

"Then why is she here? Charlie, I can't be responsible for other peoples actions just because they choose come to work when they have difficult things going on in their personal life."

"It's complicated – back home for her," Charlie said pleading with Jacob. "Please, you know she's one of the best nurses we have."

"Charlie my hands are tied on this one."

Charlie stood up suddenly leaning over the desk and looking directly into Jacob eyes, he didn't want to do this. Quietly, he said, "Jacob, we both know times when things have gotten too much for you and you've lashed out."

Jacob nodded, conceding this was true, especially recently in the wake of the helicopter accident.

"Duffy is a good nurse – the best I've known. She's compassionate, kind, firm and usually very professional..." Charlie paused briefly, gathering himself, beginning to feel emotional. "If you do this to her, with things how they are at the moment in her life, I don't think she'll cope. I think it'll break her and I don't know if she'll recover."


	4. Chapter 4

Charlie closed the door quietly behind him, relieved to be home from his night shift. Aware that Duffy could still be asleep upstairs he quietly made his way into the kitchen and closed the door behind him before beginning to rattle through the cupboard and fridge in the search from breakfast, or a post-shift meal. Whatever it was that you called food at this time of day!

Charlie jumped as the door opened quickly behind him, Duffy stood, arms folded, in the door way. He studied her expression briefly. She'd been crying, but she didn't look upset at the moment. No. She looked angry. Really angry.

"Duffy...?" he questioned.

"Just who the hell do you think you are, Charlie?" Duffy asked, quietly – almost muttered under her breath, but loud enough for Charlie to hear. If she was honest, she didn't trust herself not to scream at him right now. She could feel her whole body shaking with emotion and anger.

Charlie stood for a moment before replying, "I'm sorry Duffy, you're going to have to give me more than that..."

"Don't give me that," she began, beginning to walk over to him, around the kitchen table. "You and Jacob have a good little chat about me, did you?"

"We care about you, Duffy..."

"Well, I used to think you did Charlie," she spat.

"Duffy, I don't understand," Charlie said. He spoke slowly, genuinely unsure of what had gone wrong and why. He could see that Duffy was angry. More than that, in fact, she was livid. Her arms remained folded and her eyes were wide – but not in the way he was used to. Usually her eyes were alight and he felt like he could see right into her, and he could read ever emotion. No. Not this time. This time they were wide but they were very much closed. And they were definitely veiled with a shimmer of tears that he could see she was determined not to shed.

"Jacob phoned me." She said, speaking in short phrases as if that if she were to let her words go, they would run away with her. " 'Why didn't you tell me about everything at home, Duffy?' 'We can support you, Duffy.' 'It must be very difficult for you, Duffy'."

She stopped, swallowing hard. She hated being the subject of people's pity. And she hated that Jacob knew her business.

"I had to speak to him," Charlie said, holding Duffy's arms that were still crossed. "I wanted him to understand why you weren't yourself today. Why what happened with the boy in cubicles was difficult for you. You have so much on your plate..."

Duffy shrugged him off and returned to her place at the kitchen doorway. One tear escaped, and she brushed it away fiercely.

"You told him about my LIFE. You told him things I told you in confidence. How do you think that makes me feel?! I TRUST YOU. I TRUSTEDYOU. I'm so ashamed of myself and you know that, and you know how hard this is for me, so why would you tell him about Ryan, about what I've done?"

"Duffy, I didn..."

"ENOUGH!"

The volume of her shout echoed in the room and took them both by surprise, and now Duffy's tears fell so quickly she didn't bother to brush them away. Charlie took a few steps towards her, he hated seeing her in so much pain.

Focussing on a small chipped piece of lino infront of her, Duffy's mind raced. She had always trusted Charlie beyond anything and anyone. She had never felt so hurt, she felt like she couldn't breathe for it, and the knot in her stomach would not shift. Ever since her conversation with Jacob, where he'd phoned and made it clear that he knew everything that was 'going on', she'd paced the house. She hadn't slept that was for sure. She couldn't understand why Charlie had done it. Why would he tell everyone? Perhaps she'd never know why. Perhaps she'd never get the opportunity to find out.

She felt the warmth of Charlie's arms go around her, and she closed her eyes for a second, breathing in the familiar scent of him. Allowing herself momentarily to be comforted.

Charlie had no idea what was going on, if he was totally honest. He hadn't said anything to Jacob, beyond that Jake was in hospital after the crash. He certainly wouldn't tell Jacob about things between her and Ryan. But Duffy was in a state and it had pained him to see her like that – and to think that he may have caused it was unbearable.

"No." She said, pushing a gap between them, separating herself quickly and shaking her head. "You don't get to do this."

"Do what, Duffy? I don't understand what I've done. I didn't tell Jacob anyth-..."

Turning on her heel and heading towards the front door she looked back, interrupting him. "Betrayed my trust, Charlie. That's what."

She went to open the door and Charlie quickly reached over her and held it. He was stronger than her, and although she pulled at it he didn't relent.

"Let me go," she said, pulling on the door.

Charlie sighed. He couldn't hold her captive in his house – he was fairly sure there was a law against that.

"Whatever you think I've done, Duffy, I haven't. I would never betray your trust. And you know that."

"Leave me alone!" she said and he let the door go.

"When you realise that, I'll be here."

And with that, Duffy bolted out of the door at pace, tears streaming down her face. Charlie sighed, rubbed his face with his hands and thought to himself that he had never seen his best friend so broken.


	5. Chapter 5

Walking as fast as she could manage, Duffy found herself in the local park. She had always liked it here, and she'd often found herself wandering around it, somewhat aimlessly after she and lost Andrew and then later her mum.

The park was quiet, bar the enthusiastic runners that were circling some of the gravel paths – determined. Duffy knew where she was headed. Just off to the side was a small quiet and slightly overgrown pond and small garden area. There were a few small trees that had been planted in memory of some local well-known residents of Holby. The small garden was so tucked away that she had never seen anyone else in it in the times that she'd sat there in the past. It was peaceful and inhabited mainly by squirrels, frogs and a family of ducks. It definitely helped calm her down.

Sinking back onto the bench she closed her eyes, thinking carefully about everything that had happened in the last 12 hour. The phonecall from Jacob had come last night, but in all honesty it felt a lifetime ago. He'd told her that he knew everything, Charlie had explained about everything in New Zealand and although it didn't excuse her behaviour that day it did provide an insight. He'd suggested she take some time off as annual leave whilst she 'sorted things' and return when she was ready. 'Sort things' – as if this mess could be sorted!

To compound her misery, Ryan had phoned straight after and she'd answered. They'd argued and fought and it had been decided that she would not return to New Zealand, that Jake was recovering well and that, at the moment, everyone was too much on edge for her to have a positive impact on going back.

Basically, she was a problem – to everyone in her life.

The mere thought that Charlie had told Jacob about her appalling screw ups crossed her mind and she immediately felt nauseous. She wasn't angry so much now, just so incredibly hurt. How could he do that? He was the only one that she trusted and had relied upon throughout everything in her life. And now it felt like that security and warmth had been ripped out from underneath her.

Taking a deep breath and knowing she had to at least try and repair the one thing in her life that had always been a constant, she took a good look at the beauty around her and the peaceful garden area and headed back towards Charlie's home.

He knew where she'd be. She'd have gone where she always went ever since he introduced her to the small park and garden area near his house all those years ago. It hadn't been long after Andrew had died, before Paul was born, that Charlie had found Duffy in such a state one day. It wasn't that she was upset (although of course she was) but she was unsettled, pacing constantly and busying herself as much as a heavily pregnant woman could. Her mind didn't stop and Charlie had wanted to calm her down. So he'd taken her to a small garden he knew about just off the park. It was quiet, and still and allowed thinking time when he needed it. Somehow, it seemed cut off from the rest of the world and it always seemed to him like it was natures way of giving you permission to rest, think through and prioritise your life. Since that day Charlie knew that Duffy had gone there reasonably regularly when she needed to and it had felt like 'their' thing, somewhere that only they knew about.

Grabbing his wallet, phone and a coat, Charlie headed off to the park. He had no idea what he was going to say. But if he knew Duffy, by now she would have calmed down slightly and perhaps just enough for him to explain. He needed to tell her that Jacob knew nothing. Well, he knew about Jake, but beyond that Charlie had broken no trust. He wouldn't dream of it, not unless she'd said he could. He knew how ashamed she felt, he would never try and add to that by sharing what had happened with Ryan in New Zealand.

Entering the park he made his way over to the small gateway in the corner, and he could almost sense Duffy nearby. It was foolish to think he could, but he'd come here often when she'd been in New Zealand and it had always made him feel closer to her.

Weaving his way through a couple of cyclists on the pathway, he smiled at their determined motivation to keep themselves fit and healthy – he wish he'd at that drive and perhaps he may have saved himself a heart attack.

Suddenly a blow to his head spun the path infront of him and his body collapsed to the ground. Glancing up he saw a shape, hooded, leaning over him.

The person whispered hoarsely something inaudible before landing a strong kick in Charlie's abdomen. Charlie groaned, the pain spreading all around his body and he curled himself tightly into a ball. The attacker bent down, grabbing Charlie's wallet and emptying it of some cash and the other paperwork and receipts he stored in it. Spitting on Charlie the attacker punched him, hard, in the face. And again. And again. And a final kick to the chest, before turning and running through the park and out into the main street.

Curled up tightly, Charlie groaned before closing his eyes and allowing his world to fall into darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

"Charlie!"

It had taken less than 20 seconds for Duffy to realise that the slowly gathering crowd of people on the pathway just ahead of her were actually surrounding Charlie. She first realised something was wrong when she left the garden area and you could sense that something was wrong in the air. The few people that were around had an air of panic around them, there was a general 'bustle' and concerned noise. She'd seen it before, when she'd attended accidents with paramedics, or when she'd been unfortunate enough to be out and at a scene of an accident. She could hear the murmurings – a mugging, an attack.

Realising something was wrong she'd approached the crowd and realisation began to dawn. She knew the shape on the floor, curled up and emitting a low groan.

"It's OK, I'm a nurse," Duffy said with an unexpected air of confidence, rushing over to Charlie. It was about the only thing she felt confident about at all.

The small group of people parted.

"I've phoned an ambulance," a man said. "He's in a lot of pain, but conscious. I didn't want to move him."

Duffy nodded. "Thank you." She ran her hand down his cheek, trying to comfort the dull sound of Charlie's groans. They were getting louder, which Duffy knew was actually a good sign as he was becoming more conscious.

"Charlie?" she whispered close to him. She wanted to shield him from all of this. Charlie was a proud man, there's no way he'd appreciate the growing audience he was getting. "Can you hear me?"

"D..Duffy?" His voice was so quiet, she barely could hear it. She looked down him. His face was red, beginning to swell already and he was going to have one almighty black eye later on. Feeling th eback of his head, there was a slight lump, but no blood and nothing to concern her. Other than that he looked generally dishevelled, but with his arm clutching his stomach and lower ribs, still quite curled up. His expression was a grimace, the pain evident.

"Yeah, it's me. You're going absolutely to be fine."

Charlie smiled, a very small smile through his pain. The sound of Duffy's familiar voice was already making him feel more alert and her words reassuring him was a comfort.

She could feel relief wash over her, as Charlie opened his eyes and began to move around, trying to sit up.

"Can you wait for the ambulance?" she said, instructing the nearest bystander. "Show them whereabouts we are in here."

A young woman nodded and obediently headed in the direction of the entrance of the park.

The man from earlier piped up. "I think we should give them some space," he said to everyone around him. He'd picked up on what Duffy was doing. "It's OK, she's a nurse and he seems to be doing OK and the ambulance is coming."

The general crowd murmured and moved away and Duffy gave the man a small smile, appreciative of his efforts.

"I feel...awful," Charlie said, now helped into a sitting position by Duffy, who wrapped her arms around him to try and keep him warm. He had a somewhat disorientated look on his face. Then he turned Duffy, seriously. "Do you still hate me?"

Duffy rolled her eyes, beginning to examine Charlie as she would any other patient, checking him over. He winced as she reached his ribs, gently pressing on them.

"I think they're broken," he said.

Duffy nodded. "I think so too," she agreed quietly, feeling a sudden wave of emotion come over her. She swallowed it down.

"Hey," Charlie said, having caught a glimpse of something in her expression. "I'm fine. Just a bit bruised."

Duffy quietly nodded, taking his hand.

"Who would do this, Charlie? Why?"

Her thoughts were interrupted by the paramedics arrival, and Duffy let out the breath she'd been unknowingly been holding in the whole time.

Duffy shuffled through the door, opening it for Charlie and offering her hand as if he may have difficulty with the small doorstep.

"Duffy, I'm not 90, I don't need a carer showing me into my own house!"

Duffy laughed, "Sorry."

A silence fell between them and they spent a moment stood opposite each other. It was Duffy who broke the it.

"I am sorry," she said genuinely. "About this morning. I was out of line."

Charlie shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he said brushing her off. "I'm sorry that you felt so hurt."

"It wasn't you fault though. If I'd just stopped for two seconds, I'd know that." Duffy could feel herself getting angry at herself. "You didn't tell Jacob about things with Ryan, did you?"

Charlie stepped forward, so that the two of them were inches apart, Duffy looking right up into Charlie's eyes – desperately hoping she was right, that he wouldn't have betrayed her trust.

Carefully, reassuringly, he took her hands. "Duffy. I would never risk our friendship. I would never betray your trust."

Duffy exhaled, allowing herself to smile slightly. She couldn't believe she'd ever even doubted him.

Gently, Charlie placed a kiss on her forehead as if to seal what he'd said. He wished more than anything that she believed him whole-heartedly. That he might be the one person that doesn't let her down.

"Tea?" he offered.

"Absolutely."

"Sixty quid, a photo of his missus and a receipt from Tesco's. And what? A slight bruise on his cheek? Do you actually remember what he did? Can you remember the last time mum wasn't crying?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not like you. I tried. I tried remembering it all, and picturing Haz's face. But I'm not like that. I can't beat someone senseless. It's not me."

"Well, you better think of something. Cos I'm not having this, he's gotta pay for what he's done to this family, and you're gonna make sure that happens. For Haz. For mum."


	7. Chapter 7

The day had started out well. Duffy had been put on 'admin' duties by Jacob whilst an investigation continued into the incident with her patient from the previous week. And although admin was not why Duffy wanted to nurse, she'd accepted that she was lucky to even be able to come to work. Further, she'd desperately needed to get her mind out of the house and away from Charlie.

He was wonderful, kind and considerate always. But sometimes, she found that exhausting. She felt she leant on him too much, that she was quickly becoming a drain on both their emotional states of mind. Anyway, he was supposed to be resting not worrying about her. Plus, there'd been that moment this morning.

"Lunch?" Elle popped her end around the door. Jacob, unbeknown to Duffy, had asked Elle to 'keep an eye' on their colleague in the absence of Charlie.

Duffy surveyed the array of paperwork on the desk. She was making a small dent in the reports, and gradually getting around to filing them away but at the moment it seemed she'd made more mess than anything else.

"Go on then," she gave in, and grabbed her handbag from the coat rack and headed towards the cafeteria with Elle.

Charlie was not good at resting. He wasn't the sort to lounge around the house without putting himself to good use, and two days into his 'rest' he was becoming agitated. He allowed his mind to wander to the hospital, wondering how Duffy was getting on and if anyone was even missing him.

Pulling out his phone from his pocket he tapped a quick message.

"Going crazy here. When do you finish? C x"

An instant reply.

"6pm. Admin day, I'm going crazy too! D x"

He smiled, something that he'd done rather a lot of since Duffy had temporarily moved in with him. It was nice to have someone else around the house, and Duffy never felt like a house guest that he needed to impress. She fitted into his home like she should always have been there, and they quickly were falling into a routine. He was always up first, making tea and burning toast. On a few occasions Duffy had slept undisturbed by his banging and crashing and he'd gently knocked on the door and leave her breakfast just inside the door on the dressing table ready for when she was awake fully.

"You're not a B&B!" Duffy had exclaimed the first time, once she'd enjoyed her breakfast and brought dirty plate and mug downstairs.

He'd shrugged, he liked to do it. He liked to make her feel welcome, at home and, dare he utter it, special.

This morning had been a wonderful surprise. The usual routine had gone somewhat undisturbed as Charlie had stayed up long past his usual bedtime. He'd told Duffy it was because he wasn't tired. That had been the exact opposite of the truth though. The night before, when he'd closed his eyes, the memory of being on the gravel path had overtaken him and he'd found himself hovering in the space between asleep and awake and drenched in a cold sweat. He hadn't slept properly since the attack. But he also didn't want to repeat that experience again. So instead he'd got himself ready for bed and stayed up late infront of the TV, and allowed himself to feel completely exhausted that he literally crashed into his bed...and his bedside table. His eyes barely open he fell straight into an exhausted slumber and deep sleep. Bypassing any translucent dreams in the process. He felt like he'd beaten his mind at it's own game.

When he'd awoken it was to the smell of coffee under his nose slowly bringing him to his sense, and a weight on the edge of his bed. Duffy was staring at him.

"I beat you up and thought I'd better return the favour!" She smiled nervously, looking as if she'd been caught out doing something she shouldn't be.

Duffy wasn't sure why she'd sat herself down on the bed after bringing Charlie a coffee and then had found herself watching him sleep. It was only when Charlie opened her eyes did she feel entirely ridiculous. Charlie had always delivered her breakfast cautiously, careful not to overly disturb, and certainly never stopped in her room, or even looked over at her. But she'd put the coffee on his bedside table and suddenly felt drawn to him, although she told herself it was merely to assess how well his black eye was healing.

Charlie smiled. "No, you didn't beat me up."

Duffy looked at him confused.

"Someone else did that."

Duffy's eyes widened as she realised what she said. "Oh, God, sorry!"

Charlie laughed, rolling onto his side towards his fresh cup of coffee, sitting up with a slight grimace at the pain in his ribs and gave her a playful hit. "You're too easy," he said laughing.

And with that she'd smiled and relaxed, and the two of them had sat, somewhat unusually, chatting before her shift, Duffy forgetting entirely any awkwardness she'd felt earlier.

Sitting quietly on the bench just inside the hospital grounds, he tapped a text to his brother.

"He's not here. She is though."

A reply came.

"Later. Wait until she's alone."


	8. Chapter 8

"So what happens now?" Elle asked, biting into her sandwich. Her and Duffy had found a seat outside and were relishing the fresh air and change of scenery from the ED.

"Well, the police say there's been a few muggings in the last few weeks, so they're assuming they're all linked. But the time was unusual, usually they occur in the evenings, not early in the morning. They're going to keep us posted if they catch anyone."

"Us?" Elle questioned suggestively. The rumour mill had begun in the ED ever since it had become common knowledge that Duffy had moved in with Charlie, even more so that they seemed to be sharing secrets and Charlie had been behaving so protective of her in the recent week. Elle didn't believe in gossip, not the vicious kind anyway, but she couldn't help wondering if there was any truth in it.

Duffy smiled. "Subtle, aren't you?!"

"Oh, come on Duffy. You're living together-..."

"I'm in his spare room!"

"Working together-..."

"Well, that's nothing new."

"You can't tell me there's nothing going on."

Duffy rolled her eyes. How many times had she had to say this over the years. Her and Charlie had always been close, always been best friends but everyone always seemed to think there was more going on. "There is nothing going on between me and Charlie!"

"But...?" Elle tempted.

"But what?"

"But...you'd like there to be?"

Duffy smiled, she trusted Elle. "Oh OK! Look. We had a moment. In actual fact, I don't even think we had a moment – I had a moment! Just for a second. Where I thought about him. And us. But I'm married, I have a family and he has never seen me in that way."

"Never say never, Duffy. Never say never."

* * *

Gathering a coat, Charlie opened the front door to take a lengthy walk to the hospital. He'd been cooped up indoors all day, on apparent 'rest' but it was driving him stir crazy. Checking the time, he had just long enough to walk to the hospital to meet Duffy for the end of her shift. Perhaps he'd put his head in the door while he was there as well, just to make sure everything was running smoothly.

* * *

"Duffy," Jacob called around the office door. "We're really stretched out here. I know I said admin today, but could you do the stitches in cubicle 3 for me please?"

Duffy practically leapt up, a little too enthusiastically. "Of course!"

Out in the department, Jacob was right, it was busy. Drawing back the curtain she found her patient sitting calmly on the bed waiting for her, the trolley all ready.

"Hi there, I'm Nurse Duffin, but you can call me Duffy, you must be Jaiden."

The young man smiled. He can't have been much older than 25, but he had quite a large cut on the side of his face. Duffy was used to seeing these sort of injuries on a Saturday night, unfortunately the result of a drunken brawl.

"Jay. My mates call me Jay."

"OK, right Jay, lets have a look at that."

The young man grimaced slightly as Duffy checked the wound before beginning to clean it.

"Looks nasty. How did you manage it?"

Jay shrugged casually. "Me and my little brother had a disagreement."

"And he did that to you?" Duffy responded, surprised.

Jay laughed. "Good on him, I say. It's about time he learnt to stand up for himself."

"Hmm, well there are better ways of doing it than getting physical."

Jay shrugged. "I don't mind."

Duffy began stitching the wound and the two of them remained silent. Jay thought to himself how interesting fate could be. How of all the people in the hospital, it was Duffy that was treating him. It was Charlie's wife that was treating him. Since Joe had showed him the photo that he'd got from Charlie's wallet, it had convinced him that this was the way forward. Their mum had lost her baby boy at the hands of that man and she was hurting so much. This seemed right, to take away what he held close to him.

"I saw you."

"I'm sorry?" Duffy said, stopping momentarily.

"The other day. You were in the cafe down the road. You were upset."

"Oh," Duffy felt herself blush slightly. She'd been in quite a state that day with Charlie and it wasn't a memory she wanted to relive, let alone know that someone had noticed her. "You know what it's like after a bad day."

"Your husband was looking after you though."

"My husba-...? Oh, Charlie, you mean! We're just friends, but yes, he's one of the good ones. I'm fine now though, honestly."

What Duffy had meant to say was that she was distracted now. Holby had been the distraction she needed to get her mind off Ryan, off her affair, and sad to admit it - off her boys. Or, more accurately, off the hurt that she'd caused them. Was it wrong that she was glad she got away? She was glad she had run? Charlie had made it sound like it was a necessity, and that what she was doing was because she was putting her family first, but deep down Duffy simply felt like a coward, like she'd left all her problems for Ryan and her boys to deal with.

"He's something special round here, isn't he, that Charlie?" Jay said, interrupting Duffy's thoughts. "I mean, I saw an article online. He's been here forever."

"Ouch! I wouldn't let him hear you say that. But yes, sometimes it feels like he's the lynchpin around here," Duffy said, vocalising her feelings. He was definitely her anchor at the moment. "Why do you ask?"

Jay shrugged again. "I just think it's nice. That people have someone like that in their lives."

Duffy patted his arm gently, interpreting that he meant that he didn't have someone like that in his.

"All done," she said, after a moment.

Jay smiled and hopped off the bed. "Thanks Duffy."

"My pleasure. And try and persuade your brother that using his fists aren't the best way to solve an argument, hey? Perhaps he needs a lynchpin in his life."

Jay nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right. I think he does."

Duffy smiled after the young man, he looked troubled but definitely was good under all the casual shrugging and bravado.

Jay headed across the car park and pulled out his phone.

"Game on, bro. Pull your act together, because this is happening. Now."


	9. Chapter 9

"Grow a pair and get on with it, will you?! This man killed our brother, and you're worrying about how you'll feel after you've made him feel even the smallest amount of pain that mum feels? You're pathetic."

"But it's not her fau-..."

"No. It's not. Which is exactly why this is the best way for him to pay, for him to suffer like mum has. This is about justice, Joe. Or don't you care what happened?"

Jay heard his brother's silence on the end of the phone. He'd got to him.

"Yeah. OK. I'm ready," his brother said quietly.

"Good. I'll get her there, you just need to be ready when we arrive."

Jay smiled, punching the end call button on his phone. He couldn't really have asked for luck to coincide any better. He wanted revenge on this old nurse for what happened to his brother, for what his Haz's death had done to his mum. As luck would have it he seemed to have found this nurse's girlfriend, wife, whatever. It was genius, and far better than any revenge taken directly on this Charlie bloke directly.

Duffy left the ED into the cool air. It was always refreshing after a shift being cooped up in an office to be out in the world again and to feel the fresh breeze. Turning the corner out of the hospital grounds, Duffy took the familiar route towards Charlie's house gulping in the fresh air as she went.

Just pop his head in he'd said. And yet here he was having somehow made his way to Hanssen's office to discuss some ED politics that he'd had no idea even existed until Jacob had so brilliantly encouraged him that he was needed – just for 10 minutes. Even worse he'd clearly missed Duffy at the end of he shift, so any nice ideas of a pleasant stroll with his best friend were a distant memory. He'd know better next time. No returning to work when he should be off, not for anyone.

"DUFFY!"

Duffy turned around at the panicked call of her name to see a familiar face running towards her. She couldn't place it at first, but then it clicked. It was Jay, her patient from earlier. Red in the face and panting heavily he rested his hands on her shoulders, looking straight at her.

"I thought...it was you," he panted, talking quickly.

"Jay? What's wrong?" she said, the young man infront of her looking exhausted and worried.

Jay paused briefly, a glazed look crossing his eyes and looked down away from her.

"Jay?" she said quietly, encouragingly.

"I shouldn't say this," he said. "He'll kill me. But I don't know what to do, who to talk to. And today, you were really kind to me. I need help. My brother. I think he's going to do something really stupid."

"What kind of stupid?"

Jay shook his head, closing his eyes as if to convey that what he was thinking of was too painful. "He hates himself. And his life. All of it. He's at the old police station. The one that's due to be demolished..."

"OK. Well, let me get help," she said looking over in the direction of the hospital. "We'll help you."

"No. No."

"No?"

"He's so close to the edge, I think he might do something stupid. If a load of people barge in I think he'll do it. I think he'll kill himself."

Jay allowed his hands to drop from where he was tightly grasping onto Duffy's shoulders and he covered his face, beginning to cry. Duffy looked at the young man and felt her heart pang for his obvious concern and worry for his brother.

"I don't even know if I can go back in there. What if he's done it already?" he sobbed.

"Alright, love, OK," she soothed, gently rubbing his arm. "I'll come. But let me make a call first, so that help can be ready if it's needed."

Jay nodded. Not ideal, but he was sure he could make this work to his advantage, somehow.


	10. Chapter 10

"He was up here," Jay said, stopping short of a fire escape ladder leading to the roof. "I can't."

Duffy rested her hand on the boys arm encouragingly. "He's going to need you," she said quietly. "What happened to him needing a lynchpin, hey?"

Jay nodded and followed as Duffy made her way to the exit onto the roof. Opening the door she felt the cold of outside hit her. It was bitter, her breath showing in the air around her. The wind up here seemed harsher and she began to feel her face tingle with cold. Looking around she saw a shadow on the other side of the roof looking over the edge and she approached slowly.

"Hi, Joe?" she called quietly. She didn't want to frighten him. Truth be told, she'd never been alone in this situation before. She'd had desperately unhappy patients who had attempted suicide, or who threatened it. But she'd always been on hospital grounds and felt much more assured of herself than she currently did talking to the boy on the roof of this old deserted building.

"I'm going to come and stand with you, is that OK?"

The figure nodded and Duffy crept forward, she could feel Jay following her behind.

* * *

Charlie left the hospital into the chilling air. He'd obviously missed Duffy and began to walk in the direction of home in the hopes of catching her up. The sound of a wailing ambulance coming from behind him and pulled up beside him.

"Charlie!"

It was Iain.

"Jump in mate."

Charlie looked around and then down at himself as if to say 'do I look like I'm on duty'?.

Iain smiled. "Duffy put a call in to say she was dealing with a suicidal patient at the old police station. The police are on their way but they've requested an ambulance just incase. You coming?"

Without hesitation Charlie let himself into the ambulance. No rest for the wicked.

* * *

Reaching the edge of the rooftop Duffy stood next to Joe, glancing back to Jay who had followed tentatively behind her. She gave Joe a small smile, hoping to reassure him and he ducked his head and stood further along the roof behind her within earshot.

"I'm Duffy," she said quietly into the biting air around them. "You're Joe, right?"

Joe nodded.

"OK, Joe. What's happened today? Why are you up here?"

Joe moved his head so that he met Duffy's eye. Guilt and shame washed over him. He was already teary-eyed at the thought of what they were going to do. He couldn't speak. He didn't know what he was expected to say. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the taste of blood in his mouth from where he'd nervously chewed his lip.

Duffy spoke. "Whatever you're thinking, however you feel, you can tell us. Jay's right here, he wants you to be OK."

Duffy felt Jay step forward.

"That's right, Joe," he said. "You tell us what's going on."

Duffy felt Jay's words hit the back of her neck. Something was wrong, he'd said those words all wrong.

Joe reached out and held the top of Duffy's arms, his eyes shining with tears. He could see the confusion and the beginnings of fear in Duffy's eyes. She seemed nice, he didn't want to do this.

"I'm sorry, Duffy," he said. "I'm really sorry."

Duffy felt something over her head and everything fell into darkness. She struggled, but the grip on her arms went from the gentle touch of Joe's hands to restraining her. She felt her hands be tied together, and her legs too. Then she was being carried. She struggled and tried to kick, but it was no use, she could never out-power the two men.

"Stop struggling!" Came Jay's voice from her feet end.

"Don't struggle, Duffy." Came Joe's voice, quietly and uncertainly. "We've got you. Just don't fight it and it'll...well it'll be OK."


	11. Chapter 11

When Duffy was thrown back into light she found Joe stood opposite her, clutching a scalpel in his hand pointed in her direction. She'd been tied hands and feet to a chair, tightly. She tried shifting them but there was no room to move. The chair itself was oddly comfortable, but she presumed it was one of the old bits of furniture left from the previous police station.

"Jay, wha..."

"No!" He barked. "No talking."

Duffy went to speak again, surely she could talk him out of whatever was going through his mind, but she stopped herself as Joe pulled out a reel of gaffer tape. She pushed her lips together as if to prove they were sealed.

Looking between the two brothers she was struggling to piece everything together. The Jay she'd met earlier that day had been troubled, but seemed good-hearted. The one infront of her seemed far removed from that character. Joe seemed quieter, a little more reluctant. Undoubtedly, he would be how she got out of here in one piece.

"Where's your old man, then?"

Duffy looked puzzled. She could feel clammy sweat rolling its way down her back. Despite her calm exterior, which she knew was best at the moment, he heart was going pumping hard and her mind in overdrive. She didn't understand what was happening, or why. And she had no idea how she was going to get out of here – how did it end? She pushed the thought to the back of her scrambled mind – that sort of mindset wasn't going to help.

"Charlie." Joe said quietly.

Duffy shrugged slightly. She assumed he was at home. Duffy was only thankful that she'd had the foresight to ring Iain before following Jay, surely he was outside by now?

* * *

"I can't see anyone," said Iain, looking up towards the roof.

"And this was definitely where she said they were?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, but it looks pretty deserted to me."

"It doesn't really look high enough, you know, if you were going to end it all," Charlie said, looking up at the old police station. It was not much higher than an average 2 storey house. If you jumped you'd be looking at some nasty injuries, no doubt some broken bones and internal damage, but no guarantee of ending your life. This had to just be a cry for help.

"We should go in," Charlie said.

"It might not be safe, it's a derelict building. The police will advise."

Charlie rolled his eyes, he knew Iain had done his fair share of unsafe 'rescues' where he shouldn't have done, but when Duffy was involved this was hardly the time to be playing that card. Besides, Charlie had an uneasy feeling about all of this.

* * *

Jay sat on an old chair, throwing the scalpel casually from one hand to the other.

Joe peered through one of the windows, "There's an ambulance outside."

Duffy felt her heart surge, thank goodness.

Jay shot out of his chair, looking himself.

"Ahh, would you look at that. There he is, 'superhero' Charlie Fairhead."

"W-what's going on?" Duffy stuttered. "What's this got to do with Charlie? What's this got to do with me? I helped you!"

Jay turned around, looking Duffy up and down and leant over her, supporting his weight on her chair. His face so close she could feel his breath hit her face.

"You're a nice woman, Duffy," he said quietly. "You really shouldn't get yourself mixed up in things that aren't your business."

Duffy swallowed and replied strongly. "How do I know what business to avoid if I don't know the business in the first place...?"

Jay smiled, moving his hand which contained the scalpel so that it hovered over her wrist. "Don't get smart."

* * *

He'd had enough of this. Squeezing his way through the builders fences Charlie found a gap into the surrounding land of the building and his way around to an ajar door.

"Charlie! You can't just..."

* * *

"Oh look, Joe," said Jay gesturing down to the ground below them. "It's showtime."


End file.
